How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

Maria Shriver tweeted this last week: There are so many gifts in this life. And life coach Michael Feeley says that freedom of choice is one of our biggest. Do you agree?…

No, Maria, I do not agree with life coach Michael Feeley (partner: Jim Touchy). Freedom of choice is not one of life's biggest gifts. It's one of life's biggest time-wasters.

Dear Jeebus, do not send me down the bread aisle. Honey wheat. Wheat berry. Winter wheat. Country wheat. Butter-top wheat. Sourdough wheat. Seeded wheat. Whole-grain wheat. Organic whole-grain wheat.

It's not gluten that's killing people. It's Aisle 16.

Netflix is another example of freedom of choice gone horribly awry. Want to watch a documentary on the Khmer Rouge? No? What about a Carrot Top movie? "Battlefield Earth" or "Raging Bull"? How about "Derek"?

I interviewed Maria Shriver once for a USA Weekend cover story. I was unemployed and freelancing from Sacramento at the time. Arnold had just been elected governor. At my own expense, I flew down to dine with her at a trendy Montana Avenue cafe in Santa Monica.

She was very nice and she had a lot of hair and I realized that it wasn't her fault that she wasn't, like, a real person. During the interview, she made a joke about about shopping at Target. I didn't get the joke, which was, essentially "Imagine me shopping at Target! Ha ha ha!" Because I didn't get it, I said "Yeah, I love Target." Then she said: "Oh! Yeah, I love Target, too. My makeup artist has a line of cosmetics there."

After that, I chose to quit thinking of her as normal. I should have never presumed it, anyway. She's a friend of Oprah. She's a Kennedy. She dines at trendy Montana Avenue cafes.

So why do I follow her on Twitter?

It's my choice.