It's easy to feel like an alien in your own country during the holidays. So much happiness. So much good will. So much pumpkin.
It's an unpopular opinion, but I think pumpkin is yucky. According to my research, the Native Americans who introduced pumpkin as a food source were just joking. And here we are stuck with pumpkin pie as the national holiday dessert.
According to my other research, chocolate was also introduced to Europeans by native people. So why isn't chocolate pie a national holiday dessert?
You tell me.
Pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cookies. All examples of perfectly good sugar and butter ruined by squash. Thanks vegans!
Milk isn't sacred. Coffee isn't sacred. They've ruined those two great tastes that taste great together with the ubiquitous Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Hey I've got an idea! What about a Mushroom Paprika Latte? Or an Eggplant Provolone Latte? Makes just about as much sense.
There are two pumpkins in front of my house right now. They are decorations, as God intended. If you want to chew on one, come on over. And don't mind me. I'll be celebrating the true meaning of the season by eating a Toblerone, which in Wampanoag means "Thanksgiving."
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